Wedding Week

Long time, no write! Lately, I’ve been wanting to get back into published, long-form writing. I have always loved to write, but I often don’t share what I write with the world. That said, I wrote this journal entry the week of my wedding, and with Chris’s encouragement and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I felt the need to share this. I don’t usually share my personal journals with anyone, so this is a first for me. Enjoy. Go easy on me. My hope is that this comforts someone who also felt this way, is feeling this way, or is scared they shouldn’t feel this way in the midst of huge life transition such as marriage. Much love. Xoxo

Journal Entry 6/20/22

It’s a funny thing - being in love. Love is calming Chris when he’s stressed and loving him even when he’s stressed. It’s also removing myself to spend time with friends, so he has some alone time. All of it’s a joy. All of it feels right and very true to myself. It’s juxtaposition. Life transition. Leaving my driveway with tears in my eyes, saying, “I love you” to Michelle as I walk out the door.. to pulling up to the curb of my (new) home with my lover. It’s walking through the door and feeling his present love and relaxing into it, while also simultaneously feeling sad about leaving my roommates behind. So many mixed emotions this week.

life transition.

tough emotions.

happy emotions.

mixed emotions.

the “what if’s.. ?” 

the “I’m going to miss this.”

the “I can’t believe I get to love him.”

the “wow, this is MY house now, too.” 

the “will I get to see my friends still?” 

the “I get the best of both worlds!!!”

the “I’m saying goodbye to singlehood forever.” 

I grieve.

I rejoice.

I cry.

I laugh. 

I smile.

I swallow tears.

I am me. 

I am where I am supposed to be. 

I am in between two worlds, both of which I love for different reasons. Cheers to those who have their heart broken by life transition and change only to be filled with the glee, joy of a new season yet to be experienced. Cheers to those of us that feel things so deeply that we must weep in honor of the seasons we’ve experienced that are coming to a close. Cheers to those of us that can grieve but also rejoice in what’s to come! The movement through life transition requires much of us - grief, fear, curiosity, wonder, awe, honor, contentment - and it can be a scary road. But to choose change is to choose growth and exploration and adventure. Oh, what a fulfilling road to walk down and see the goodness and fruit of your labor. Oh, to seasons and the people we become in them.